I don't know if I'm going to let anyone read this or not, but I just want to use it as a way for me to work through my emotions of trying to get pregnant.

Husband and I have been trying for 7 months already.  We knew going in that it wasn't just going to be as easy as quitting birth control.  Before I had even met my husband, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I still remember the day, sitting in his basement a few months before we got married, worried that my fertility issues would cause our relationship to fail.  I asked him "What if I can't have kids of our own?"  His response I will remember for the rest of my life: "Do I still get to marry you?"

As sweet as that was over 3 years ago, I worry that I will never have children of my own and that the stress of trying to get pregnant will consume my life and have a negative effect on not only my physical well-being, but my relationships with my husband, my friends, and my family.  When we decided to start trying, we started fertility meds right away since we knew about my PCOS.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I thought with the meds and everything, it wouldn't take this long...

It's been really bad the past couple of weeks.  Husband and I moved into our house almost a year ago.  We have two bedrooms upstairs not including ours.  One of them I call my "craft room" (even though I'm not really crafty).  The other one is completely empty.  Last week my husband told me that recently he's been going into that room and just imagining what it's going to be like when it turns into our nursery and gets sad to see it so empty.  Ever since then, I can't stand to look at that room.  I closed the door so that I can't see the emptiness, but that's not that much better because I know that the room is empty behind the closed door.  

My friends keep telling me to just stop stressing and worrying about getting pregnant and it will happen.  I think this bothers me more than anything.  If I could stop worrying, I would have done it months ago!!!  Do they honestly think that it's as easy as just saying "Nope, I'm not worried anymore"????  I just don't know what to say to them.

This past weekend, I had some of my girlfriends over for cocktails and snacks (I know I'm not pregnant, and needed some good old-fashioned girl time).  Two of them have babies (4 months and 2 months old) and brought the babies with them.  The one with the 4 month old is one of my best friends and it's getting really hard to be around her because of some of the ways she chooses to live her life and raise her child.  Most of the time I think that she and her husband were not ready to have a child.  I feel guilty for feeling this way, because she is my best friend, but I can't stand the fact that they get to be parents and my husband and I don't.

When does it get to be our turn????